It doesn't matter what accent the doctor has but the words malignant tumor will drain all feeling from your body in any language.  They were able to biopsy about 1/3 of the tumor and were unable to remove the rest due to its proximity near major arteries.  Both the surgeon and oncologist are 99% sure that it is malignant.  The final tests from the pathologists will not be completed for several days, so for now we just sit and try to comfort Payton in the ICU.  It was my night to stay with him and the following are some 2 a.m. notes from a sleepless father.

I can't take my eyes off of him.......................I vividly remember watching his birth 3+ years ago and strutting like a proud peacock around Rolling Plains Hospital in Sweetwater, TX.  It was the second day of 2004 and I had been blessed for the 4th time and for the 4th time it was a son.  My wife deserved a trophy or at least a medal, but there were none available in the hospital.  This was one of the happiest days of my life and an event I will never forget.

We are back in the hospital; no longer in Sweetwater or Texas or even on the same continent as before.  The occassion here is void of excitement.  I sit in a Prague ICU ward with Payton and a 1 year old girl named Nela.  She is a beautiful little girl who is the apple of her daddy's eye.  Nela is having a tough night and is in great pain.  It is pouring down rain tonight in Prague and the thunder can sometimes be heard over young Nela's screams of pain.  Payton sleeps about 5 feet from Nela and is completely undisturbed by any of the noise.  (It must be quieter than sleeping with 4 brothers) Payton wakes up about every 15-30 minutes, due to discomfort, and wants a drink and to go home.  I cry everytime he asks that question.  How do you explain to a three year old that you don't really know when he can go home and when the pain in his chest will go away?  I'm not angry, upset or really afraid.  Robin and I both know that we serve a God of modern day miracles, a God that comforts all our numbness, a God that hurts when we hurt and grieves when we grieve.  We serve a God that created perfect love and created Payton.  I hurt, because Payton hurts.

He sleeps so peacefully now with all those cords and monitors attached to his little body.  Nela has settled down and the rain has slowed a bit, but we all know that it a temporary calm.  We will  most likely face weeks or months of Eastern European doctors, nurses and hospitals.  They have all been wonderful and have fallen for the blonde hair, blue-eyed Texan who wears shorts and cowboy boots with no socks.  He asked me the other day why they weren't called "horseboys" since they didn't ride cows.  The mind and spirit of children continue to amaze me.

Well its time for me to read the same 'Dora the Explorer' book that I've read 17 times prior and see if he will get back to sleep.  Pray for Nela and her family as they face many tough situations ahead.  Pray they will see Christ shine in our lives as we continue to cling to the rock that steadies our inmost calm.

• The attached song was recorded by students from international Christian schools all over Europe.  It is a great hymn that provides hope and encouragement in tough times.  The words and song are below:
  
  How Can I Keep from Singing?
  Words and Music by Robert Lowry (1826-99)
  arr. Bradley Ellingboe

My life flows on in endless song above earth's lamentation.
I hear the real, tho' far-off hymn that hails a new creation.
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heav'n and earth, how can I keep from singing?

Thru' all the tumult and the strife, I hear the music ringing!
It sounds and echoes in my soul. How can I keep from singing?
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heav'n and earth, how can I keep from singing?

What tho' the tempest 'round me roar, I hear the truth.  It liveth.
What tho' the darkness 'round me close, songs in the night, the night it giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I'm clinging.
Since love is lord of heav'n and earth, how can I keep from singing?