I recently dealt with something I should have dealt with a long time ago..
I know, I know, it is a weakness. It is something that has been impeding my growth here in Quebec and many people will fault me for it. That's okay, I'm a big boy now, I can take it... I can admit when I have made a mistake... as well as receive correction from others.
But still, it is... or was... very precious, in a sense. Not quite like an addiction, but, in a strange way, an escape from reality.
So, about two weeks ago I confessed it to our small group, and have since left it behind. Though, it is still a temptation. I'm sure it always will be. But you know what? Ever since I've left it behind, my thinking is getting so much clearer. I can express myself so much more easily. I'm even much less nervous when getting up to speak in front of groups of people.
It all came to a head since I've been preaching every Sunday. Before, when I was preaching only occasionally, as well as simply conversing with people in small groups and such, it was much less of a distraction. I could kind of fake my way through it. Well, not really fake my way through it, it was definitely genuine. But now that I'm up in front of people, with the responsibility of explaining and applying God's Word with precision every Sunday, I had to do something.
What was the weakness? NPR.
Yes, you heard me right. Almost every time I got in the car I listened to an NPR station that somehow drifts it's way north from Vermont. Though 95% of what came out of my mouth was French, 75% of what I listened to in the car was English. I could almost feel my accent getting stronger the more miles I put on the car (and we're way over 100k miles, so that's a lot of accent).
I've been able to effectively communicate in French for several years, but liberation? Far from it. So now I am searching for that... liberation. Freedom to express thoughts clearly and precisely in the French language. The days of fuzzy expression need to be over.
While I was going through the storm that is cultural transition, the breath of fresh air that was NPR was an escape that I treasured. I no longer need that. Listening in French has almost become as effortless as listening in English (I even get the jokes now), the time has come to plunge toward liberation. Some may say I am late. Well, let them say.
So, I've replaced NPR with the French-Canadian "RadioCanada". The style is similar to NPR, though they, obviously, focus much more on Quebec-specific issues... in French.
Since I renounced NPR, my mouth doesn't yell at me nearly as much.* I can feel my tongue and lips conforming to French in a way they never did before. Conjugated verbs slide out with much less effort, and fewer people ask me where I am from.
There were even a couple people over the past week who were surprised that I was an American!
So there you have it. The secret to an effective ministry? Stop listening to NPR? Maybe not. But speaking the language effortlessly certainly can help.
*When I listen to English for an extended period of time, it seems that my mouth and tongue automatically revert to an English manner of forming sounds. Hence, after listening to English and immediately speaking in French, it sometimes feels as if my mouth is yelling at me, telling me that I am trying to form the wrong set of sounds. And the strange part is that I feel it. My mouth feels all wrong, even as I speak French... hence, an accent.